Billay Bob he dun loss 'is leg and other sad stories from the bayou.

Being from Colorado, I’m not accustomed to living with critters inside my main domain. Animals and insects are things that I exit my home to see. They live out side. I live inside. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy camping as much as the next person! I can tolerate bugs and animals in their own habitat just fine! But like I said…IN THEIR HABITAT. Not mine.

So we’ve got ants everywhere.( And devil-looking black cricket-things too!) It doesn’t matter how clean our apartment is. They love to sleep with us, eat with us and just spend quality time with us. Mostly they gravitate towards our dirty laundry basket. And they bite. Speaking of little things that bite, I hate mosquitoes. They’re just common place around here. Blood suckers…just like the drivers. And I’ll say I’m used to blood suckers and lemme explain before you pass judgment on me for the next topic. I served a 19 month mission for the LDS church in New Jersey and while there I was cursed with Bed Bugs not once, but twice. And I lived to tell about it. So blood sucking night crawlers are not new to me. I’ll admit I’ve become more of a wuss since I’ve been home for three years, had a baby and have been living a sheltered life of buglessness.

But they come out at night and crawl through your things. They crawl up your walls and hide in your furniture. They crawl through your bed and sneak into your pillow…or worse…your mouth! Ok, so that’s just my imagination running rampant, BUT IT COULD HAPPEN! They don’t eat you, no, they aren’t dangerous. Just dirty. I’ve seen several baby cock roaches since we’ve moved into our new apartment in Baytown, Texas. But the baby ones aren’t what scare me.

Upon waking up I first go to the restroom. About one foot from my head is the corner of the counter top. And perfectly situated on that corner is a Roach Leg. Just one. Only one. Reddish brown in color. With little hairs and spikes up and down it. I know what you’re thinking, “So what. It’s just a leg. Not even a whole roach.” That one leg was as long as my pointer finger. JUST THE LEG IS AS LONG AS MY FINGER! Imagine how big the rest of it is! Brad says it’s just an old roach who’s fallin’ apart. He was crawlin’ around it’s leg just fell off. “That ol Bob had his leg fall off” he says is his so completely white boy accent trying to be southern and failing. My mom is southern and I actually lived in South Carolina for 4 years so my accent is pretty good. I get Brad laughin’ pretty hard when I use it. I had to correct him. “ Dat ol Billay Bob he dun loss ‘is leg,” thick with southern drawl. But then I had to correct him again. “No dear. That’s just a warning. They’re sending us a message. We’s dat big and we aint got no probum tearin’ ya’ll ‘part like we did dat ol Billay Bob. We’s ‘ere furse!”

Keep an eye out for my leg, please.

When I told the complex manager she said "Oh those kind of roaches are usually outdoors, that's where they belong. Those kind shouldn't be inside." My thought was "Don't ALL kinds of roaches belong outside? ALL BUGS for that matter? And with bugs that big...well I signed the NO PET clause! If I wanted a pet I'd buy one!"